Monday, April 4, 2011


i just want to say thank you to everyone who has helped us through this very difficult time.
nicole, this song, shape of you by jewel, is for you. we miss you. (i apologize if this brings tears...i have just loved this song since i heard jewel sing this at the grammys)

i wrote this the day before her funeral, in hopes of reading it that day, but i just wasn't able to:

you live for the fight when that’s all that you got. anyone who knew nicole knows that that was a line from one her favorite bon jovi songs. she definitely was a fighter. everyday.

no matter if it was because she had been sick and in the hospital and proved every single doctor’s negative prognosis and statistic wrong.

or when she was in high school and we all fought just to get her a handicapped bathroom or the auditorium ramp so that she could get her diploma on stage just like all of her friends.

or when she joined wheelchair tennis, wheelchair racing, and wheelchair basketball...proving that she could do anything just like everyone else.

or if it was when she would fight with me because i supposedly would steal the remote control from her, even though it was always right next to her.

or when she would argue with my mom about brushing her teeth, everyday...even though she never, ever would have a cavity when we would go to the dentist.

being her sister i never noticed the spinabifida, her wheelchairs, her crutches, her braces for her legs, her physical therapy visits, the at times, the lengthy hospital visits, her oxygen tubes, or her many medicines she always had to take....she was just a normal person and all of that stuff was just a normal part of our lives.

thanks to my parents we had an amazing childhood filled with so many happy memories. whether it was our rollerskating down our driveway when we were about 4 and 6, yes both of us did that. playing with our barbies and their dreamhouse in her room on saturday mornings. going to our first concert, new kids on the block. playing with teddy ruxbin. when my uncle ben gave us perms, mine only in my bangs?! snow tubing down the wheelchair ramp in the backyard. spinabifida association christimas dance parties. watching eagles games together and playing in our fantasy football league. going to a million nsync concerts. dancing together at my wedding....there are countless happy times to look back on.

next to my mother, she was absolutely the strongest woman and friend that i knew. she put up that fight everyday. even in these past few months, when it was really tough, she stayed strong and continued to prove those doctors wrong.

i love you so much nicole and will miss you. but i know that you are still putting up your fight, wherever you are...and probably stalking jon bon jovi right this moment and maybe even arguing with someone about the remote.

why the phanatic is awesome.